The Butterfly Effect
by Dalamar's Mercy
Summary: Slight AU. Set in Harry's 4th year. Harry's visit with Sirius leaves Sirius troubling over many questions. A risky visit with Dumbledore, leads to more worry and questions then it does solutions. complete


**Summary:** One hot summer's day, Sirius is complaining how Buckbeak stinks. A visit from Harry brings up an innocent question, but startling realizations. When taken to Dumbledore, Sirius soon realizes how one person can make a world of difference, and this leads to mind-blowing possibilities..

**Rating:** PG. For one swear. Or possibly two. Oh, I´m so bad…eyeroll

**Date:** July 20th, 2004

**Disclaimer:** Obviously this story belongs to me, though the characters don´t. I´d have to be insane to claim to be J.K.Rowling, and...yeah, I think that covers it.

**Setting: **Takes place during the end of book four, just before the last task in the Triwizard Tournament. I´m going to call it slightly AU, because it´s just my meaningless thoughts and because I don´t have the book to refer to for accuracy because I forgot to bring it with me to Brazil. (Hmm, deodorant or Harry Potter, deodorant or Harry Potter….)

**Dedicated to:** My daddy and my puppy, who were hurt in a car accident. Everyone, wear your seatbelts! It saved his life!

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**_Sirius' POV_**

It was a hot day. I really hated hot days. Simple as that. I don't why it seemed, but excessive heat always seemed to make everything really stink. That's a good thing when you're surrounded by flowers, and cookies, but well, it's not as though things smell bad enough when you live in a cave, when you live in that cave with a hippogriff and then factor in that I hadn't bathed for, well…I can't remember the last time I had a bath, put it that way. It goes without saying that things were bad.

Buckbeak was huddled away in the back of the cave, sheltered from the sun and probably the only place where it was still quite cool. I didn't dare approach, not only because he too reaked, but he was ravenously devouring a small meal of rats. He deserved his privacy, and well, he was a messy eater. I lounged out around the mouth of the cave, half basking in the sun, half waiting expectantly to see Harry, for Hedwig had come to me earlier that day with a note telling me it was a Hogsmeade´s visit and he´d be dropping by.

I soon caught sight of him, trudging up the familiar worn footpath and as he got closer I called out in greeting. "Harry!" I yelled hoarsly, waving to him happily. Well, I hate to admit it, I was also slightly pleased to see no sign of Ron and Hermione tagging alongside as normal. It had been a long time since I'd had the opportunity to talk with just my godson…

"Sirius." He panted, out of breath from the climb and sweating profusely under the boiling sun. Somewhere along the way he'd taken off his black robes and was clad only in trousers and white shirt, sleeves rolled up as high as they could go and tie hanging wildly over his shoulder.

Buckbeak padded up from behind me and looked at Harry hungrily. Harry took the hint, bowing quickly and pulling out a large lamb hock wrapped in old newspaper, he'd most likely bribed a house elf for. (Not that they need much convincing, if my, and I laugh here, _old_ brain could remember correctly.) Buckbeak tore it from his hands almost too eagerly. I smiled wistfully. It was my fault Buckbeak had to slowly starve to deathokay, I was laying it on a bit thick, but neither of us got nearly enough to eat, and it showed. His feathers were dull, none of the luster they had had when we first set off together last June, and I was now beginning to see his ribs poking out. I could only imagine what I looked like, though, thankfully being male, I really didn´t care and having no luxuries like a mirror, I was spared the sight.

I suppose I too must have been looking at Harry hungrily, because he grinned cheekily…oh so like James used to, and pulled out a loaf of bread, some meat, and much to my amusement, two apples.

I raised an eyebrow at the last item, but without hesitating, tore into one, savoring the juice while still more ran down my chin.

"Hermione says she doesn't want you to get scurvy." He offered with a laugh. We sat in silence while I soon finished both apples and began on the loaf of bread, soon pairing it up with the meat and making a sandwich out of the two.

"Trust Hermione to think of something like scurvy in a time like this." I chuckled between mouthfuls. Harry grinned, showing that familiar smile once again. "Where are they any way?

"Studying, believe it or not. " He grimaced faintly and I noticed him clutching his ribs ever so slightly.

"It's nothing." He muttered looking away after catching my pointed look. "Just…practicing for the tournament. Ron's acquired a pretty mean Reductor curse, but his aim…well, it's…" He paused fumbling around for the correct words.

"Lousy?" I offered.

"Well, I was leaning more towards horrible." He laughed.

I snickered. "Reductor curse, eh? I remember that one. On those really boring summer days, you know, when we should have been studying for exams but couldn't be bothered, James and I used to get a big group of us together, make bets and hold competitions to see who could blow up the most pumpkins in the school garden before we got caught. No one could ever beat Peter though, believe it or not. His aim was incredible compared to the rest of us at that time, well, it should be, he used to practice on the gnomes in his garden for hours….nothing better to do where he lived."

"I thought we weren't allowed to do magic out of school…" Harry trailed off. "And isn't the Reductor curse a bit, uh…powerful to be using on garden gnomes?" He looked slightly alarmed.

"Minor things Harry. That law wasn't in effect when we were in school and I just said his aim was good….Peter never was that powerful with the hexes, much to Snivilouss relief…"

Harry grinned and we sat in silence again. I loved these moments. These were the instances that time just seemed to stand still. I lay back and closed my eyes. How on earth could I have been condemning that sun? It´s warmth was consoling; made me feel safe. Everyone deserved to feel safe. I opened my eyes to see a butterfly hovering over my head.

If this life had taught me anything, it was to treasure what ever I had. No school could ever teach that. Here I was, no home, no job, god, I was a wanted criminal, and lived with a deadly bird…I chuckled inwardly._ Better not repeat that aloud_. I thought, looking over at Buckbeak in amusement as his beak tore into another rat.

Today, time stood still. I was here, I had my godson…he was still alive; still safe against all the odds. I had, in spite of everything, kept that vow to Lily and James. When you have everything taken away from you, you become aware of how much you can live without. I realized a long time ago, how it´s the little things that make you happy. When I really looked back to think on it, the memories I have of us, it was the things James, Remus, and yes, even Peter too, did rather then what we owned or bought.

I laughed. Sentimental old fool…being all righteous all of a sudden. How unnatural of me.

"What are you thinking about Sirius?" Harry teased quietly from beside me, he too having reclined back to enjoy the sun on his face.

"Oh life…" I replied lightheartedly, looking over at him. He had both eyes closed, and looked more peaceful then I had seen him for ages.

"Not too seriously I hope." He mumbled dreamily, nearly dozing in the warmth of the sun;

"You'd be surprised, sometimes…" I answered trailing off at the end.

Well, if that's the case…can I ask you a question." Something was obviously bothering him now. Ugh, that was me. No matter how old I get, I can never learn when to keep my big mouth shut. That peaceful look of his was gone. I bet he didn´t even have time to enjoy just—well, doing nothing.

"Do you… think they were in pain?"

"Huh? Who?" I replied densely, looking over at him with a start. Whatever I had been expecting him to ask, it wasn't that.

"Don´t be thick Sirius….my parents." He glowered crossly with no trace of that serene look from before. "Do you….do you think they were in pain when they were…killed?"

"Of course no-" I began to reply, before he cut me off angrily.

"Sirius, I´m fourteen. I´m old enough to hear the truth. I figured you of all people would understand that, unlike Dumbledore…"

I paused. What did I say? I knew the truth, I knew….I knew what Professor Dumbledore was trying to refrain from telling him. But how much did he already know? How much could he handle, ugh, why didn´t I keep my big mouth shut!

"Honestly? Yes. I think it must have. But not the actual death itself." I hurried on. "That would be a small pin prick compared to…look Harry, let me tell you a story. We four, your father, Peter, Remus and I…well, let's say you have friends and then you have _friends_. You should know that with Ron and Hermione. Even in school, there was nothing I wouldn't have done for your father, Remus or god yes, even little old Peter Pettigrew. Even if we were all prats back then." I added reflectively. "And when we graduated…it was only natural that James and Lily marry. But you have no idea what it was like to live back then. It was as though the entire wizarding world had reverted to a 'survival of the fittest' mode. But even then, your parents still continued to fight. They defied You-Know….Voldemort so many times, well, let's just say He suddenly deciding to mark them as prey to get to you was probably the biggest mistake he ever made. That seemed to bring the wizarding community to their senses. Suddenly there seemed to be some hope. If we could rally together, and manage to keep Lily and James alive; if we could keep you safe…well, it´d be a colossal victory! There'd be hope. We all needed hope..." I didn't realise I had stopped talking until Harry cleared his throat. "Those days dark as they were, are probably some of my favorite memories with my friends...with your father."

"I don't understand." Harry replied with uncertainty, absently playing with the clasp on his cloak.

I didn´t need to ask. "Everything was falling apart about us. The war had been brewing for years, but now, now that your parents were the targets, it seemed that much more deadly. Every day hundreds of wizards…muggles…just, in the end, _people_, were being killed about us. We lost so many people we knew, comrades in the war, relatives...and friends too. Do you know how hard it is to lose a friend? To know, they were terrified, and died alone. There's no pain in the world greater..."My voice cracked and I felt tears pricking at my eyes. My chest ached… _Dammit Sirius, that was a long time ago. Get over it, you great prat!_ I rounded on myself angrily before taking a deep breath and continuing once again.

"But we still had each other. I remember, this one night, a small camp of us had managed to flee our," I broke off with a wry laugh, " our ´Safe´ house that had been raided by Death Eaters. We were all filthy, frozen, drenched and hungry; you were colicky, James had broken some ribs and ol' Mad Eye wouldn't let us start a campfire, but we were together, we were all alive… we realized how lucky we were….I can´t explain the feeling."

"As good a story that is, you're not answering my question Sirius." Harry reminded, glancing over with mild amusement as Buckbeak gagged on a chicken bone.

"I´m getting there. What I´m trying to say is, there was nobody else like our group. And Lily and James must of known in the end that Peter betrayed them. How could they not? I lied when I said there's no pain greater then a friend dying. That's not true. Really, there's no pain in the world greater then knowing one of the most important people to you, has betrayed you." I choked slightly. ´What must they have felt, knowing that that betrayal could mean the death of their son. Ultimately, that's all that mattered in the end. That you lived. Lily, and James too, would have been destroyed if anything had happened to you. How ironic is it, that their demise ensured your survival."

Harry gave a sardonic laugh, and I glanced over worriedly. Had I told him too much?

We sat in silence for a few more minutes. Suddenly the sun didn't seem that welcoming. Its light was harsh and blinding, not friendly and safe like it had been before. Thinking about the war...it brought back the memories, all the precautions we had to take. In the war, the sun could either be your savior or your downfall. The sun drove away the Levifold, a great part of Voldemort's army, but at the same time, the sun exposed you to the Death Eaters, the giants and all the other monsters. I have known many friends to die, just because of the rise or set of the sun...

"No, I'm late… I have to go Sirius." Harry sighed despondently, looking at his watch. I didn´t remind him that his watch hadn´t been working since the end of the second task. Obviously he was needing sometime alone to think about what I had said.

"Do you know when the next Hogsmeade´s trip is?" I asked as he got up, picking up his cloak that he'd been using to sit on, and brushed the grass and twigs off.

"Last one's the day before the third task of the tournament." He replied. "Though, I'm certain I could make another trip down here at night sometime to celebrate." He laughed dryly at that. "Thank goodness this damn tournament's nearly over."

""Don't get too cocky Harry," I warned. "This last task's going to be the hardest yet...god, people have died in the tournament before!"

"Don't go all parenting on me Sirius." Harry chuckled gratefully. I didn´t see what he found so amusing. "That was a long time ago. Dumbledore won't allow anyone to be put in a position to die."

"Dumbledore is not a god Harry." I frowned. "As powerful a wizard he is, he still can't make the decisions to prolong life and halt death."

"I don't get what you're getting so worked up over," Harry replied heatedly, "You probably would have jumped at the chance to be in this Tournament in your day."

I sighed with frustration. How could I argue that, he was right, I would have. "I thought you had to leave..." I replied gently, the only thing I could think of to say.

I probably would have been furious if someone had said something like that to me. But once again, Harry showed how much like James he was. _No, dammit, _I rubbed one hand through my stringy hair in annoyance,_ I've got to stop comparing him to James. He can't live in James' shadow forever! _

"I do." He said simply, turning to go. To his surprise, and mine as well, I pulled him into a big bear hug, only remembering his sore ribs when he inhaled sharply.

"Stay safe." I whispered in his ear. "Promise me that. Don´t take any risks now, you're too close to the end. Get plenty rest up to the tournament, don´t you dare go in it like you are now. You need your wits about you Harry, this task isn't going to be easy like the others. "

There was a long silence before Harry's muffled retort, "If you think facing a Hungarian Horntail was easy, Azkaban did more to you then I thought."

I laughed, pushing him away. "Get going." I told him. He set off back down the hill, and I waved. "Come see me before the tournament!" I yelled, before suddenly remembering, "And if you have the time, get Hermione to teach you a good shielding charm. It may just help you out. God knows it´s saved my sorry arse many a time. "

My eyes never left him until he disappeared behind a ridge half way down, and even after that I still stood looking out over down the slope, until Buckbeak padded up behind me and nuzzled his beak on my shoulder. His breath is what shook me out of my stupor however, I think the putrid stench of dead rats would do that to the most comatose of people. I chuckled as I scratched him under the chin lazily. I bet my breath smelt like that half the time to…he wasn't the only one forced to eat rats to stay alive.

"I think it´s time I pay another visit to Dumbledore, Beaky. " I muttered soothingly. I didn´t dare go visit him much; I´m not going to risk being seen and jeopardize his position. I´d read enough reports in scrounged Daily Prophets to know the Minister of Magic was on his case about the way he ran Hogwarts, and about his decision to keep Harry there too. I wasn't going to be the one responsible for proving Fudge right, that the headmaster was also harboring a wanted criminal.

I went to a nearby stream, where I washed myself off as best I could. I suppose I could come here more often to bathe, but it was only me and Buckbeak living in that cave, and damn was this water icy cold!

I transformed into my dog form, and trotted off down the slope, following Harry's scent until I came to the old sty. There, I cut through several fields going around the village instead of straight through, and made my way up to the Shrieking Shack. Dusk had fallen by the time I got there but I was in no hurry. Going to the Shack always brought back memories. There was no problem in the world when the four of us were there. Sure we had a werewolf to contain, and more often then not we had to rescue Peter-the-rat from being eaten, but running under the full moon, exploring the Forbidden Forest and across Hogwarts grounds…it was an overwhelming rush!

I loped through the familiar tunnel and pushed my way up through the boughs or the Whomping Willow, pausing only long enough to press the knot on the tree so I could slither out intact, if you know what I mean.

I don´t know how that man does it, but there the professor was, waiting at the entrance to the castle. He had chosen to use a torch instead of his wand for light, it's warm glow penetrating the darkness. I swear there must be some sort of seer in his family tree somewhere; this definitely wasn't the first time he'd surprised me this way. He nodded in greeting and then together, we walked side by side up to his office. Not a word was said between us, though, that was understandable in my case, still being a dog and all. We met no one, not even any of the ghosts and soon I found myself in his familiar office. Once he'd closed the door securely, I began to transform back, stretching lazily as though I was shedding off a second skin, and straightened. He nodded to me warmly…given, that doesn´t sound possible, but it is from that man.

"You knew I was coming. " I stated evidently.

"I knew Harry had been to see you. " He replied, offering me a cup of tea. I accepted gratefully, and all but inhaled the first cup. "What did he ask you? He looked quite grim at dinner this evening, unless the jacket potatoes were worse then I thought."

"We talked about Lily and James." I replied, taking time to savor my second cup of tea.

"I came to that rather startling conclusion myself. "His eyes twinkled at me as he to took a polite sip.

"He asked me…if I thought they, Lily and James were in pain when they died." I answered sadly.

"And you said?" The professor was more serious now, his tea forgotten. I paused to gather my thoughts and became aware of how quiet the portraits of past Headmasters had become as they tried to eavesdrop on our conversation.

"Simply put, I told him, that it wasn't the actual death that hurt, but rather the betrayal behind it."

"If I remember correctly, and I´m quite sure my memory hasn't failed me quite yet, that betrayal didn´t only affect Lily and James that night. " He trailed off expectantly. I wasn't going to fall for it.

"That's not important. " I muttered in annoyance, waving it off with my hand.

"Oh, I think it is Sirius. Surely you were not merely speculating how they must of felt, you experienced it too. You and I both know, that if Peter hadn´t betrayed you all that night, you wouldn't have ended up in Azkaban. You wouldn't be a wanted man. Harry would be safe, and have a home with you."

"Oh, that is complete rubbish. " I exploded, noting that Dumbledore looked at me with relief. Relief? I didn't care. "I would gladly spend the rest of my live in Azkaban if it brought Lily and James back for even a day! A day for them to meet their son. If that treacherous little vermin Peter hadn´t betrayed us, Harry would still have his family. He wouldn't need to live with a doddering old fool like me. If that _rat_ hadn´t betrayed us, maybe Voldemort would be dead by now. If he hadn´t betrayed us…I´d still….maybe my best friend would still be alive."

There was a long pause.

"Isn't it amazing how one person can make such a difference in some many lives. " Dumbledore stated quietly, staring into his teacup pensively.

I snorted. "If you don´t mind me saying so sir, you have some strange definition of amazing."

"Just think about it for a moment Sirius," he continued, ignoring my sarcastic remark. "In the end it all comes down to one person. But which one? If Tom Riddle's father had raised him properly, maybe this would have never happened. If Tom Riddle had decided to make the best of the circumstances laid out before him, instead of becoming infatuated with getting his revenge, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe, if Sybil Trelawny had never made that prediction, none of this would have ever happened. "

"I understand that professor. " I replied in annoyance. This conversation was going nowhere…

"Hear me out Sirius….please. Maybe if Voldemort had picked Neville Longbottom, instead of Harry, none of this would have ever happened. And maybe if I had picked someone other then Peter to be the Potters´ secret keeper, none of this would have ever happened."

"Sir, you didn't pick Peter. Even I didn't know you used Peter untilLook, I get that, but I don't understand where your going with it professor! What does this have to do with what I told Harry?" By now, I was extremely confused. "I mean, Voldemort isn't even alive!"

"Consider it the ramblings of an old man. " He smiled bitterly, swirling the dregs of his teacup around. "But if I´m not mistaken, Harry's still got a big part to play in this war. Voldemort may not be alive as such, but he also not technically dead. His attempt's to steal the Philosphers Stone and the incident with Riddle's diary proved that. He will return, it´s just a matter how and when. You know as well as I do what the prophecy said. And since his presence has reappeared that prophecy must not have been fulfilled. Now, you know just how much a difference one person can make. Is it going to be Harry? Is it his choices that are going to determine the fate of this war?"

I could only stare open mouthed at the professor.

"In a word? Yes." He continued, paying no attention to me. "Yes, because only he and Lord Voldemort can fulfill this prophecy. It was stated as such. But is it us too? Is it the lessons that we manage to teach Harry that will decide the end? One way or another, it comes down to this. Either Harry or Voldemort is going to die. So doesn´t that mean it´s up to us? We have to prepare him Sirius, not only with spells and hexes—important and yet trivial things at the same time—he has to understand the magnitude of this war."

I cleared my throat, not wanting to say what was on my mind but, "Oh professor…you know that's well, bullshit. How on earth can he understand this war if you keep shielding him from it? You won't even tell him why his parents were killed in the first place! You refuse to tell him of the prophecy!"

"He isn't ready. " Professor Dumbledore replied. "I at least know that. Sirius, if I knew how to end this war, don´t you think I´d say? If I did, I´d be yelling it out in the street for the world to hear. But I don´t. I´m as clueless as you as to how this is all going to turn out. I can have my speculations as any man can, but ultimately we just have to do our best and prepare Harry, to fight yes, but also teach him patience, and dignity, teach him respect, and to how to forgive. It's up to us to teach him what James and Lily cannot. But in the end, all we can do is our best. Whether our best is enough however, is left up for fate to decide."

He leaned back into his chair, and regarded me seriously. "I know it´s probably the most difficult thing for you to do Sirius, but you must at least try for Harry's sake. I know you've never forgiven Peter, and that's completely understandable. But you have to at least attempt to put it behind you. _Harry_ needs to forgive Peter, or at dwell no more on the subject either. Otherwise, well, let's just say there's a reason Lord Voldemort ended up the way he did. If Tom Riddle had put what his father did to him behind him instead of keeping inside, and letting it fester like a disease, then, I´ll say it again, maybe then this would never have come about. "

My mind was a blur. Horror and loathing raged through out me, and I stared at him hopelessly. "I think I´m starting to understand what you're _not_ saying sir. " I spoke numbly. "But oh my god…Harry…"

The professor gazed at me sorrowfully. "It´s truly a horrible burden, is it not? And still yet, are you aware of the most important thing we must _in no way_ overlook?"

I looked at him in confusion. Surely, there couldn't be something more crucial then what we'd already discussed.

I´ll never forget Professor Dumbledore´s look of anguish as he continued softly, "We must never forget that…Harry's still just a fourteen year old boy…a child. "

Not a word more was said between us. I finished my tea in silence; the both of us sitting engrossed in deep thought long into the night.

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**_Author's Note_**: Wow. A tough story to write after two years of…uh, well, not writing. I got half way through before I realized it didn´t make any sense, the characters were wrong, I was contradicting myself and even the POV was off…all that good fun stuff that needs to be figured out at three in the morning. This isn't necessarily how I interpret the books, but rather a slight AU. I was craving to write and this little ficlet was just begging to be written, so in the end, its all good. grins I didn´t have an outline when I started writing and I didn´t know where I was going with it either... (Dalamar hears all the beta readers in the crowd wince.)

I do however, hope you enjoyed it, and if you care, please leave a word or two in a review.

Thanks,

_D__alamar´s __M__ercy_


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